A heavy heart

I've had a really bad couple of days.
I know everything, be it good or bad, happens for a reason.
I know this is God's way.
I can't help but cry. I can't help but hurt. But I know with time, this all will pass.
I am grateful that my God has given me such an amazing person who will wrap me in his arms and keep me from falling to pieces. Thank you lord for granting him with all the right words to calm me, with the patience to deal with me when I'm not completely acting like myself. I am thankful to have and be surrounded with such an amazing family. Both mine and his. I truly am a blessed soul. . . I can't help but think, hope, that its because I have such amazing angels up there who remind God not to forget about me.

Heartbreak

I've never known heartbreak like I've experienced it today.

Today it was confirmed that I miscarried my first pregnancy.

My heart aches. My soul hurts for my unborn child, for myself, for my Beto. My very core is broken.

I know that things like this happen. I know its without reason. But I can't help but be angry I can't help but be hurt. I feel defeated. My body didn't do what it was supposed to do. Take care of the baby. Nourish it and help it to grow.
My positive felt to good to be true. Will I never be a mommy? Why did this happen? I want this so bad....and yet here I am.

Not pregnant.

My Blessing

I woke up today feeling blah. I have a cough and a sore throat. Complete yuckiness! I got dressed & I drove to work. I was feeling pretty damn sick. I wasn't even excited that tomorrow is my birthday.... Then I checked my phone...and great my period is supposed to come today. :/ just adding onto my horrible day.
So I have to pee and something makes me think. Take a damn test and get it over with. I go to the bathroom pee...finish without even looking at the thing. Then when I pick it up to to look at my negative test to my surprise I see a faint positive!!
Oh my gosh!!
Is it real?!
Am I really pregnant?!
I am!!!
Even if its light...its still there a faint pink line. I'm pregnant.
I'm so overwhelmed with happiness! I'm so full of joy! I can't believe that its happening.
A baby.
I've been praying since i saw that line. Please lord please virgin Mary please let me carry this baby to full term. Please grant me a child. Pregnancies are so delicate at this stage. I know just how easy I could lose the baby. Please give her or him life. Please let me hold her/him please with all my soul I beg. Please.